The phone call (yes, even depression has its funny moments)

Hello, this is your doctor's office.  Please press "8" to speak to the nurse on call.

(Press 8)

Hello, this is the nurse on call.  If this is a life-threatening emergency, please hang up and dial 9-1-1.  If not, please stay on the line.

(Elevator music)

Hello, this is Piyali.  I am a registered nurse.  What is your problem?

Hello, I've been suffering from depression, and I'm wondering if it's possible to get a prescription over the phone.  (Notice that's a yes-or-no question).

Thank you for your call.  How are you doing today?

(I'm a little depressed, as you might have guessed from the call--)  I am okay.  I've been having some issues with depression and would like to know if it's possible to get a new prescription on the weekend.

Thank you.  Are you feeling homicidal or suicidal?

Neither, I just…

Thank you.  Have you been depressed for very long?

I suffer from depression.  I am taking medication for it.  I take lkjlkjkjlj and lkrj23wlkrjeldskfj.

I see.  And are you thinking of killing yourself right now?

(well actually I wasn't, but since I've been on the phone…)  No, ma'am.  As I said, I need to find out…

Yes, yes.  Have you taken the medication long?

Yes, the kjlkjlj for many years and the other for about a year.

All right.  Let me get your first and last name.

Really?  Maybe you should have listened when I gave it to you the other time ! Yes, it's Margaret Villanueva, I go by Meg.  The last name is V-I-L-L-A-N-U-E-V-A.

Thank you Mar-ga-ret.  I see by your chart they you are currently taking lkjlkjlkjlk and werjewkelrkjwel.  How long have you been taking those medications?

Um, 
lady, have you been LISTENING???  Yes.  I have been taking the first for several years and the second for about a year.  It isn't working, so I was wondering if I could get a prescription or if I need to wait and call the doctor in the morning.

Well, Mar-ga-ret

It's Meg--

Well, yes, Meg, it sounds as if you are feeling depressed.  Are you sure that you are not feeling even a little suicidal?  Have you had any urge at all to harm yourself or another?

Hmmm….now that you mention it, I can think of one person I'd like to harm… No ma'am, I just want to know if I can get a prescription this weekend or if I have to wait for Monday to speak to the doctor.

Well, since you are depressed, I recommend that you lie down in bed and curl up to comfort yourself.  I also recommend that if you have any other problems that you call back the nurse line.  And be sure to call the doctor in the morning.

So are you saying that you can't get a prescription on the weekend?

No, but don't worry, the doctor will see the message.  And remember, if you are feeling suicidal, please call 9-1-1 immediately.

This was the actual phone call that I made this morning after I found that I had to leave church early since I couldn't control my depression.  There was more to the call, but this was the gist.  No wonder so many people suffer from depression!