the longest week of my life

I still am standing.  Not much sleep, but that's to be expected.  I want life to be exciting--I surely got my wish!  But excitement leads to stress, stress leads to depression, and depression leads to pain.  Maybe some day I'll learn to manage it better, but I hope that happens soon.  After all, I'm 55 years old!

I walk daily through this maze of stress, and I am learning as I go.  One thing I've learned is to pace myself.  I've realized that something will have to give.  For me, today, that means giving up a voice lesson that I love.  I realize that I need the rest more than I love the lesson.

Last night, I learned another lesson--even if the buildup of pain is unavoidable, it can be reasoned through and dealt with.  I used to be an alto.  I can read music, and that's where they put you.  I sang alto for many years, and every time I finished rehearsal, my throat hurt.  So yesterday I found out that I was given a solo part in a big piece--3rd soprano!!  It hurt.  I felt like I was being demoted.  On top of everything else, it was the straw before the straw that broke the camel's back.  I was perilously close to tears.  But as the rehearsal continued, I remembered back.  I had told my director that I used to be an alto.  He asked me how long I'd sung alto.  And I know that of the three women picked, my voice and talent were the right ones for that part.  I can find the notes, and I can make the low harmonies work because I have the notes in a way that other sopranos don't.

Later, as I was driving home, tears did come.  I was sorry my son had to be there for it.  He really doesn't understand--he tries to give advice, make it better, and I appreciate that in him.  But what I needed was a good cry or a long shower.  I chose the shower--had to wash my hair anyway!!

So, dear reader, today I'm asking for your prayers.  It's a very stressful morning, leading to a stressful afternoon, leading to another rehearsal tonight.  But I know that God is always behind me, before me, under and over me, and within me, so I can handle it.  With his love and your prayers.  Thank you.