prayer in the seat of pain

Well, I thought that I could avoid this.  I thought that if I just let things go, I would be fine. I should have known better.  Pain, sharp and piercing, is breaking my heart.  I have allowed myself to feel, and now I'm paying the price.  I allowed myself to put my trust in someone else, and now that person has slapped-not me--my son.  I would rather he had wounded me.  My son is in the other room, laughing.  He is getting over it.  I am not.

I feel like I am losing my world.  I made the decision to trust in someone, and now I am paying the price for that decision.  Oh God!  I know that these are words out of anger, but you understand anger.  You hear the cry of my heart; you capture every angry, hurt tear that is shed.  You understand the feeling of being betrayed.  Only you.

I don't know where this will end, Lord.  I don't know why this happened or what is going to happen next.  I was so looking forward to this ministry, this opportunity; now it is dust.  I can't imagine continuing the way I am.  But you understand; you know how it's supposed to end.

I put my trust in you.  I cry my hurt and pain unto you.  Hear the cry of my bitterness and hurt, Lord, and turn it into something good.  I don't know how, but I trust in you.

Amen