A bruised reed...

He will not cry out, nor raise His voice,
Nor cause His voice to be heard in the street.
³ A bruised reed He will not break,
And smoking flax He will not quench;
He will bring forth justice for truth.
⁴ He will not fail nor be discouraged,
Till He has established justice in the earth;
And the coastlands shall wait for His law.”  Isaiah 42: 2-3

I started this post with the story of the woman caught in adultery.  Got pretty far with it, too, before I realized that her story isn't the story that I need to write.  Once again, I need to write my story.

I first heard this verse (actually, simply "a bruised reed he will not break") when I was at First Baptist Church.  I was a shell at that point, bruised and broken and hurting over the loss of baby, father, husband, and the life I knew.  I heard it and it gave me hope.  Others heard it and knew immediately that it was a word for me.  

It wasn't until much later that I went so far as to look up the context for the verse (never let a verse stand on its own.  You always need to make sure of the surrounding verses so that you know what it is actually saying).  It begins clarifying that he is speaking of His Servant in whom He delights.  He goes on to say that he will neither cry out nor raise his voice.  He will not break this bruised reed; he will not quench smoking flax.  These two verses bring hope. He will not allow a suffering person to be broken; he will not allow his spark of grace to be quenched even though it is surrounded by corruption.

I think about my pain and the pain of those around me--those whose pain I have observed and whose suffering I have shared in.  I have wondered how God could think that they could stand any more--why God doesn't intervene.  I think about others who have not been able to withstand their suffering--those people who have gone insane, committed suicide, or who have turned from God in bitterness.  I wonder about the truth of the verse in light of these examples.  No, I have no easy answers.  All I have is the picture of Aslan the Lion in the Chronicles of Narnia:  "That is not your story.  That is their story.  You do not need to understand their story, only your own."  Added to that, I think we have to admit that only God understands, and he will let us know in time--if we need to know.  If not, he will still comfort us.  That is what he does.

As for myself, healing took many years and the help of a faithful friend.  It took faith and love, both on my part and on the parts of those around me who knew my turmoil and prayed me through.  It took forgiveness and time and patience.  But it did happen.  I am still here and I can actually look back and say that I'm thankful for the experience.

That is the thing that is so wonderful about God's presence and his love during these times:  he does reveal himself.  I saw him more clearly after my husband's death than I ever did before.  I was able to depend on him more completely than ever, because there really was nobody else left.  I went through a lot, yes--so did my children--but I am glad that I did, because it left me stronger.  

Every time I write these words, I hear you say, "What?  You're glad your husband and child are dead?" Always before I have said that I'm not happy they're dead; I'm happy that God brought me through it as he did.  But just this once, I'm going a little further.  Yes, I'm glad.  I'm glad because they're with God.  I'm glad because they're together.  But most of all, I'm glad because I know that Tommy would in all likelihood have been severely brain damaged had he lived.  I know that Val would have been a vegetable.  I know that they would not have wanted to live like that--not compared to the wondrous things that they experience every moment their existence in God's presence.  So yes, I'm glad--for them--that they're dead.  But oh, how I wish they were here on earth for me.  And that's the truth of it.

Are you a bruised reed?  Are you suffering under a tremendous burden?  Take comfort in the fact that he has promised to be with you.  He has promised that his strength is there for you. Reach out to him and he will answer you and show you great and mighty things. Amen.