on disrespect

This blog is the most unsure blog I've written. I'm more airing my views than stating facts, and if you have anything to add, I'd appreciate it.  My premise is a familiar one--the disrespect that we are living with in our younger generation today has been fostered by the television we watch and the music that we listen to.

I graduated in 1975.  I was born in 1957.  My sister was born in 1939 and graduated in 1957.  My brother was born in 1952 and graduated in 1968.  So as you can see, we went through puberty in very different times.  My sister was in the time of Pat Boone, The Mousketeers, Elvis, and the birth of rock.  My brother was around for the Beatles, Rolling Stones, The Mousketeers, The Animals, and the hippie movement.  I was around for Earth, Wind and Fire, Chicago, Queen…and reruns of the Mousketeers.
Our viewing choices were very different, too.  I don't know how much my sister watched as a teen, but I remember Bonanza, Gunsmoke, Father Knows Best, Make Room For Daddy, and I Love Lucy.  I remember my brother watching Laugh In, Flip Wilson, Sonny and Cher, All in the Family, and Maude.  My generation watched Dark Shadows, Carpenters, Donny and Marie, Nanny and the Professor, and later--Roseanne and Married with Children and the Simpsons.

I don't remember my sister's choices much.  She left home when I was two, so I don't remember her music or tv programs at all.  Nor do I remember her attitude in the house.  My brother was home, but I remember Herb Alpert and the Tijuana Brass, the Beatles, and a classical radio station that played nonstop.  I was the only one that I remember being totally into modern music, and it was mostly bubblegum, John Denver-y stuff, and show tunes.  My mother and father were both older, and they expected respect.  What they expected was normally given.  They also controlled the TV, at least until my brother was in high school.  When he was in hs and college, I remember watching what they wanted to watch until they went to bed, at which time it became Gaylen's turn.

Today, kids are into all sorts of things, from Frank Sinatra to Queen to Eminem to Key$ha. They don't listen to records, they listen to I-phone.  They can watch pretty much anything they want to at any time of the day on one of many devices.  Nothing is out of bounds unless parents step in.  With many parents divorced or working 2 jobs, the television is often the babysitter.

What does all this have to do with disrespect?  Everything, in my opinion.  When my parents (and my sister) were young, families were much different.  Children were expected to behave--they were also expected to be children.  It would have been unheard of for a child to wear revealing clothing or high heels; teens were expected to wear dresses, skirts and blouses, or slacks and shirts to school.  Respect was also expected in school, and children would be punished if they didn't display the proper attitude.  It was not uncommon to have a "board of education" hanging on the principal's wall, and the principal would definitely use it.  Spanking was an expected part of life, and the expectation of a good whipping was enough to keep you from doing that misdeed some--if not all--of the time.

In the late 50's through the 60's, though, things started changing.  Pants got tighter, women started wearing shorts and pants in public on a regular basis, hairstyles became more adult, and teens started listening to different music.  It was often a rebellious act to bring the music in against the parents' wishes.  Up through the early-mid 50s, music was innocuous enough, although I'm sure that parents disagreed with this or that artist.  Pat Boone singing April Love 

seems so innocent by today's standards.  Patty Page is another example:  the music she sings is very similar to that of the parents.

However, in the late 50s, new faces appeared.  The music also changed with the advent of Rock and Roll.  Parents were immediately concerned--this was not the music they were used to, and it seemed linked to teen misbehavior.  Authorities spoke out against it, and many teens rebelled.  It was fun to dance to, and it was definitely NOT their parents music.
Elvis, Big Bopper, Ritchie Valens, it started getting more and more its own style, and many parents were concerned.  However, if you ask my sister, she will tell you that respect was still expected and given.  The model for it abounded in television, also.  I Love Lucy, Father Knows Best, etc all showed families who were dripping with respect for one another.  Yes, they might have their moments, but respect would win the day.  

In the 60's, things started to change.  Rock music was now firmly established, and it definitely had found its own voice.  Things changed even more with the advent of the Viet Nam war and the Hippie movement.  Suddenly, respect was not automatic.  In fact, respect was only given if it was earned, and if you weren't trusted, you weren't respected.  I remember a short story I read in this period.  I was only about 10, but it has never left me.  It was a society where it was understood that once you turned 30, you were turned out of society.  The woman who was the narrator was faced with this and was frantically seeking help.  She looked at a boy riding a bike.  She thought about asking him and then decided that it would be pointless. She would get no respect from him--he was too old.  He was at least nine!  And that's how it seemed to be.  Parents, teachers, government officials, the military--nobody was deserving of respect because nobody understood the importance of "making love not war".

I really think that's where our problem with disrespect started.  Once the ball was set in motion, it became harder and harder to stop it.  It shows up in television and music most clearly.  In music we go from Puppy Love to Lucy in the Sky With Diamonds to Fat Bottomed Girls to--well, pretty much any rap you want to mention that refers to women as whores.  TV went from Leave it to Beaver to All in the Family to The Simpsons to Modern Dad.  Disrespect is seen practiced--without any mention of it being wrong--practically everywhere you go in TVLand.  

My feeling is that if you already have disrespect (as well as loose morals, bad manners, no ethics, etc) in music and on television, it's practically impossible to stop it in school.  Teachers today complain of children who don't listen, don't care, and don't give them the respect they deserve.  I really do believe that what you're exposed to is what you do.  It's little wonder that children treat others with disrespect if that is what they're exposed to on their I-pod and their tv.

So how do you get respect back?  I am not holding out much hope here.  Yes, you can.  It's actually pretty easy, in my opinion.  Simply turn off the tv, put away the music, and talk to your kids.  Expect their respect and model it, and they should respect you.  But how many of us are willing to do that?  Another option is to speak out about the music and television shows that are currently available.  But no amount of speaking out is going to matter if you still watch the shows and (more importantly) buy the products that they advertise.

So how can we get our kids to show respect?  I don't know, but I think that we definitely should model it ourselves.  Listen to yourself when you talk to your child.  Remember that the voice they pay the most attention to is yours.

Good luck.