The Last Day

The Last Day

It was happening again.  Once again, she couldn’t breathe.  The feeling that she was drowning, though not new, was overwhelming.  Fighting down her fear, she woke her husband.

“Honey,” she whispered, “I’m sorry, but we have to go to the hospital”.

“Hospital?  What?”  The familiar voice was drenched in sleep, and it took a minute for comprehension to sink in.  Finally he turned and looked at her, understanding coming not from her words but her breathing.

“Right away, Sweetie!  Let me get dressed and get the car started.”  He got up and started to put on his clothes.  She did as well, reaching for the walker.  She wanted to go to the children’s rooms and tell them goodbye, but her body wouldn’t let her.  She knew that she had just enough energy to get to the dining room, where she would have to sit and wait for him. 

She slowly made her way past her daughter’s room, where she knew that her 15-year-old lay sleeping.  ‘Focus on the dining room’, she thought to herself.  Finally she reached the chair and slumped into it.  She rested a moment, giving herself time to do what she must do, what she knew was the most important thing that she could do in the time she had left.  Gathering her strength, she called to her sleeping son, now a young man, “I love you, son!” 

From the far bedroom, a sleep-muffled voice called back, “I love you, too, Mom”.

Now for her daughter.  “I love you, Nini.”  Exhausted, knowing that she had done all she could, her eyes closed.

From the bedroom, an irritated groan, “Aaaghh”.

Immediately her heart spoke to her Maker,  “Please help her.  She’s going to regret that”.  The Presence that she always felt during these times spoke to her.  The fact that she was not irritated or angry about the lovelessness exhibited by her daughter didn’t dawn on her till much later.

“Don’t worry about her.  Think about the present.  Just a bit longer and we will be together.”

Together.  Could it be?  Was this the end?  There had been so many times before that she thought she was dying, but still she kept on.  She knew she had to for the sake of her children.  Was it finally over?  Were the pain and suffering finally going to end?  She was afraid to believe it.  She opened her eyes.

He was there.  Surrounded in a golden glory, he was looking at her, the love of a million sacrifices in his eyes.  He was his presence.  She couldn’t describe it any better than that.  She couldn’t see him clearly, but he was definitely there.

“Yes, I am here.  I will be here in every moment from now on.  Rest in me.”  The feeling of his hand on her heart overwhelmed her.  She knew that he was giving her strength for this last journey.  She was brought back to herself by the touch of her husband’s hand on her arm.

“Come on, Cupcake.  Let me help you to the car”.

Through the trip to the hospital, the time in the emergency room, the trip to the ICU, the setting up of the monitors, the murmured voices of her husband and the doctor, she was conscious of only one thing:  the touch of that Hand on her heart.  When she gathered strength to look, he was always smiling at her with the warmth of love in his eyes. 

Time passed.  She felt herself in two worlds—passing from one to the other.  As the hours passed, neither dragging nor flying, she spoke her heart.

“Please let them know I love them.  Please help them understand that I couldn’t try any more.  Please tell them that this was not their fault.”  Her children had gone to the fair and bought her salt-water taffy.  Though not allowed, she had eaten a few pieces last night.

“It is done.  Do not worry”.

“Please be with my daughter and her family.  I know that this will be hard for her.  Please watch over her and heal her from this hurt.”  It was her birthday.  She was leaving on her daughter’s birthday.

“It is done.  Be at peace”.

“Keep my Butterfly safe. Watch her, and keep her safe from those around her, from life.  Let her know that I forgive her, and that I’m sorry for leaving her.  If I had any other choice, I wouldn’t.”  She knew how much her unloving response would devastate her in the years to come.

“It is done.  Be not afraid”.

“And my son.  Let him know that I love him.  I have always loved him.  I will always love him.”

“It is done.  Know that he is well taken care of.”

The day continued, neither creeping nor rushing.  Having said all that there was to say, she allowed herself to think about the future.  In just a few moments she would be with Him.  She would finally know her Father, her Brother, her Spouse.  A fear crept into her soul. 

“Oh, dear Lord!  How can I ever be righteous enough even to look You in the eyes!  Please forgive my sin, hide me in your righteousness!”

“Open your eyes”. 

Slowly, unwillingly, she opened her eyes.  The world was laid out before her.  On the one level, she saw her family gathered around her, loving her, her daughter screaming, “I love you Mamma!  I love you!”  The woman in the bed had her eyes closed, and yet she saw her husband put his arm around the girl to help her in her grief and pain.  The hospital room was full of the presence of death.

And life.  She now began to see in a different light.  The room suffused with light, with angels, with the Presence of the Holy Ones coming toward her, saying, “Welcome, welcome, welcome!  Well done, thou good and faithful servant!”  The last thing she saw in the earthly realm was the flat line of the heart monitor and the family collapsed in grief around her bed.  But the image was overcome by the new image of the heavenly realm. 

She didn’t remember moving herself.  It was as if the earthly curtain ascended without a sound, leaving her in the full presence of the Heavenly Kingdom.  That hand!  It was still on her chest!  She looked at it, glowing with the full truth of His being.  Her eyes could not go straight to his.  She looked at his hand—the nail scars—his wrist, his arm, his shoulder, his neck, his beard, his mouth.

She couldn’t go on for a moment.  His mouth—the mouth that had spoken words of love to her from the time she first met him.  It curved in the welcoming smile that she had always imagined.  As she moved on, it surprised her that his cheeks were wet.  Tears?

“Joy, my love, for you, and sadness for your family, who now must do without you, until they come here to meet you.  But more than anything, my sister, my spouse, I cry with gladness that you are here.  Your suffering is over.  My daughter, be at peace.

“Violet,” she heard her name as it was known to her on Earth for the last time, “be received into new life.”

Finally she looked into his eyes.  She had dreamed about this moment, prayed for it, even achieved it in the spirit, she thought, but nothing could prepare her for the moment of true reality.  For at the sight of his eyes, the windows into his Soul, all else stopped.  Her heart leaped within her, and she heard him whisper her new name.  Mercy.  Mercy.  The gathering of the Church Triumphant—why had she not noticed them before?—took the name into their hearts and cried out “Mercy! Mercy! Mercy! Join us in praise!  Join us in worship!  Holy, holy, holy Lord!  God of Power and Might!  Heaven and Earth are full of thy Glory!  Hosanna in the Highest!  Blessed is He who comes in the name of the Lord!  Hosanna in the Highest!”

Even as she remained in his arms, she felt herself in union with the crowd.  But then, in an instant, she remembered.

“Please, Lord, my family!  Am I going to forget them now?”

A line of people detached themselves from the multitudes gathered before her.

“My name was Mary Anne, now Grace.  I am your grandmother.  I prayed for you from your birth.”

“My name was Phillip, now Strength.  I am your great grandfather.  I prayed for you from Mary Anne’s birth.”

A woman stepped forth next.  Mercy was perplexed.  She knew her, and yet she didn’t. 

“My name was Bertha, now Constancy.  I am your mother.  I prayed for you from the time that I was saved to now. And Mercy, I love you.”

Constancy!  What a name for her restless, loveless, disorganized mother!  And yet within that heavenly beauty and perfection, she could still see the mother that she had once known.  But all the distortion was gone.  Now her mother was perfect.

A beautiful woman came up and shyly stood before her.  My name is Gwendolyn.  I am your daughter.  I love you, Mother.  And I have prayed for you from my birth.”

“Mercy, you will never forget your family.  You haven’t been freed of them; you’ve been freed for them.  You are now able to pray for them perfectly, in a way that you’ve never been able to before.  You are released into love”.

In that moment, Mercy understood.  She could see her family, feel her family, but she was no longer bound by earthly considerations for her family.  She now could pray unfettered, and she was released into the freedom of true love.  Here where time doesn’t exist, she had the freedom to see the end from the beginning and know what her loved ones needed.  She saw the grief ahead for her daughters, the heartbreak for her son, the distance in relationship, but she also knew that all things would work together for good.  All would truly be well.

More happened that day, that eternal day, but of course Mercy will share that herself, when the time comes.

It is enough to say that Mercy, full of love and full of thankfulness, is finally, fully, and totally at peace, for she now truly rests in the Love of Christ.