The day to day

I do pretty much the same thing every day.  I get up at 5:30, give the dog his medicine, make coffee (this is essential on weekdays), take my medicine, go on the computer, check email, make breakfast, and then check Facebook, coffee and bagel in hand.  After that, school. Normally I would squeeze in a walk with the dog, but he refuses to go out in the cold morning, so I've given up and put out pads until February or so.  At school, I spend the majority of my day alone--just me and 130 students:  teens with the requisite temper and angst and drama and behavior issues.  After that, home again.  I either pick something up or make something at home, and then spend my evenings either watching TV (current obsession:  The Walking Dead.  Thanks, Jeremy!) or working on the computer.  Weekend is more of the same.

So why am I so content?  How is it that this weekly monotony doesn't make me crazy?

Very simple.  I don't live in the day-to-day.  I don't live in the routine.  I live inside my head, and inside my head is a beautiful place.  God dwells within me, and he gives me lovely thoughts, beautiful songs, and interesting things to ponder.  I have little need of anything outside my world, since God beautifully inhabits my universe.

I'm not saying that your world with all its noise and gaiety and people and busy-ness isn't perfect.  I'm sure it is--for you.  However, it isn't a good fit for me.  In fact,  it draws so much out of me that it takes days to bring me back to full energy.  I love that you love your world, but I'm satisfied with my own.

A Intro-Inspection

I have wondered about this moment
This future
Since that day at the hospital.

I left the ICU
Shellshocked
A widow.

With four children at home,
A family that loved me
I had never felt so alone.

Years passed, and I watched my children
As they grew up and moved away.
I feared, not for them,
But for myself.

I knew that they were moving onward with their lives,
Finding love and families of their own.

But I had no one.

I felt ripped in half,
And I grieved for the part of me that would never return.
I lost the only man I have ever loved,
And I wanted no one.
No one could fill his void.

As the years passed,
I began to realize a truth
That took be by surprise.

I was surrounded by love.

My children may not be near,
But I know that they care,
And that is enough.

More,
I find that I have come to understand this truth--
I don't need bodies around me to be happy.

I am perfectly happy in and of myself.
In a way, being alone is what I was always meant to experience.
Not that I want to exclude others--
But honestly,
I have excluded myself for so long,

That it is only right that I get to know that person now.

I find that I like her.
She is interesting,
Observant,
She has a lot to say,
And she wants to see her dreams--
My dreams--
Come to life.

Maybe after this season of writing is over
I will feel the need to reach out to another
And to become part of a larger whole once again.

But for right now,
I am content.
My life is not lonely.
I have so much to do
That I don't know how I could cope with another person.

And for right now
That's okay.