The step that I couldn't take

In writing this new devotional, I have realized that it is a vehicle that would have helped me if it had been around.  I had lots of help from lots of people.  Some things that they tried worked; some things didn't.  One thing that definitely did not work was the idea of telling yourselves truths from the Bible--or maybe just positive self-talk in the Name of Jesus.  I still remember one particular counselor telling me to stand in front of the mirror, look at myself, and say that Jesus sees me as His beautiful bride.  I simply couldn't do it.  Anything that was positive couldn't be said by me to me.  I did try, but it was so ridiculous as to make matters actually worse.  I could not look at myself and tell myself that I was Jesus' beautiful bride when I was so deep in self-loathing.  I couldn't make the leap.

With that in mind, I'm cautious about starting this section of my book:  developing a positive self image.  I realize that I must do it.  I wish I could say that I can distinctly remember when I began viewing myself differently, but I really can't.  All I know is that I do see myself as beautiful in Jesus' sight.  I do see myself as His spotless bride.  However, some things are still very hard to accept for me.  For example, I don't think I can say that I am beautiful all on my own.  I don't see it, and it's been drilled into me that it isn't true for many years.  I am going to continue to work on it, though.  I know that I have to accept myself before I can expect others to accept me.

At this point, I see self awareness coming before positive self image.  I'm thinking that this section will look something like this:

He has removed my sin as far as the East is from the West.

Think about a action that you are ashamed of.  Name it on a piece of paper.  If you have no paper, say it out loud.

Now allow yourself to go back to that time.  See yourself performing that action.  Now let yourself--the person that you're seeing--realize the impact that the action has on you today.  Allow yourself to realize what you've done.  Ask yourself to take responsibility for that action.  When you take responsibility, give yourself a chance to confess the action to God.  "If we confess our sins, he is faithful to forgive us our sins and cleanse us from all unrighteousness.

When you have accepted responsibility, then forgive yourself.  If you don't feel that you can, then ask God (or Jesus) to join you.  Maybe you'll see him; maybe you won't.  Either way, ask him to help you forgive yourself.  Remember that if you ask something valid, something true, he will give it to you.  Accept that God will help you to forgive yourself.  It is helpful to me to see my real self going to my former self--the self that committed the act--and actually speaking words of forgiveness.

Allow your former self to accept the forgiveness.  If you find you can't, then try to do it without wanting to, as an act of obedience.

After you have accomplished this, you should either write it in your journal or find a marker so that you will remember.  Put something meaningful that will help you focus and keep you grounded.

That is the basic idea.  It works for pretty much anything.