Into the future

I remember it as if it were yesterday.  He was the baby the came after the loss of his older brother, Tommy, now always a baby in my mind.  He was big and beautiful and such a miracle for us.  But it wasn't just yesterday.  Twenty years have passed--almost 21.  He has lived with me since he was born, and now he is getting ready to move on--to walk into the future. 

My heart rejoices and is heavy at once.  He is my present, and I love my present.  He has been the only family that I have at hand for many years, and I will miss his presence.  But I know that time must move forward for him--for both of us.  For him, childhood is coming to a close and life as an adult is about to begin--perhaps a bit late in the day.  He has been aware of my solitude, and I think that he stayed, in part, to protect me.

But I don't need protection, no matter how much my children might think that I do.  I am ready for him to make this leap, and I realize that his moving on means that I must move on, too.  You could say that we had a trial run at this last year, when he stayed with his brother for a month.  I was undertain, but I soon discovered that life as a single was not the drudgery I'd imagined.  I'm a solitary person, anyway.  I found myself at peace with silence, at peace with myself, and happy in a way that I hadn't been before.

And so as he goes into his future, so I must go into mine.  I don't imagine that it will be easy.  New chapters never are.  But the time has come, and both of us are content.  I'm thankful that he is able to walk away and be free.  And I'm already looking ahead to see what new things lie in store for me.