coming back to life

I woke up this morning to a realization. The weight that is always on my chest was gone!  I have lived with this pain for more years than I can remember.  It is a normal accompaniment to a life lived in pain and suffering, and I live with it--most days not even consciously remembering that it's there.  But this morning, for a blessed change, it was gone!  Why?  Easy.  I went to a retreat and came away changed.

I am thankful that I'm open to change.  I know many people who aren't.  They are stuck in bitterness.  They avoid change.  They are certain that the world is out to get them.  Anything that challenges views that they learned at their mother's knee is viewed as suspect.  Their Jesus, their world view, their moral compass are all set in stone.  I used to be like them.

That all changed after my husband died.  My world collapsed, and I collapsed with it.  After a time, I reached out for help.  That's the first step.  The person who came alongside invited me to a Bible study. That was the second step.  The Bible study taught me that what I had always believed was wrong.  That was the gigantic leap.

When you take a gigantic leap, you have two choices.  You fly or you fall.  You can fly if the leap leads to truth. You fall when the leap leads you to error.  It's up to you to determine that what you've been taught is true and accurate.  No proof texts--check out what you've been told by reading in context and making sure it holds up in the Light.  It did.

Having taken one leap, I took another.  And another.  I began to feel less fettered.  My God began to change.  Better said, my personal understanding of him began to change.  He went from taskmaster to Father.  I was led into freedom.

Today, I take nothing for granted.  I learn new things every day.  Some do not stand in the light of Truth, but most do.  Each step I take brings me another step closer to freedom.  And the weight lifts.

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Psalm 144

I wanted to take a little time to day to reflect on the person who wrote Psalm 144.  It is said to be written by David--not all the psalms are, of course, and it speaks to me in ways that other psalms do not.

Praise be to the Lord my Rock,
    who trains my hands for war,
    my fingers for battle.
² He is my loving God and my fortress,
    my stronghold and my deliverer,
my shield, in whom I take refuge,
    who subdues peoples^[a] under me.

David the poet--those fingers that strummed a lyre and fashioned poetry for his God also slew those that were against him.  He was equally secure praising his God in song and complaining about his slowness to come and deliver him.  He was aware of God's goodness and strength, and he was equally aware that God had equipped him, too, to be a power in His name.

³ Lord, what are human beings that you care for them,
    mere mortals that you think of them?
⁴ They are like a breath;
    their days are like a fleeting shadow.

What beautiful words.  This psalm is made by a true poet.  He goes from glorifying God for subduing people under him to musing about the nature of man.  They are like a breath--their days are like a fleeting shadow.  How true--David himself is now a song.  His legacy to us is his love of God and his honesty before the Lord.

⁵ Part your heavens, Lord, and come down;
    touch the mountains, so that they smoke.
⁶ Send forth lightning and scatter the enemy;
    shoot your arrows and rout them.
⁷ Reach down your hand from on high;
    deliver me and rescue me
from the mighty waters,
    from the hands of foreigners
⁸ whose mouths are full of lies,
    whose right hands are deceitful.

From observation to reflection to petition.  And what a petition!  Smite those that persecute me!  Who among us would have the brazenness to pray like this?  Those people who threatened him--they had families and cattle and land, too.  But they were full of deceit and lies, and therefore David felt justified in asking for their extermination.

⁹ I will sing a new song to you, my God;
    on the ten-stringed lyre I will make music to you,
¹⁰ to the One who gives victory to kings,
    who delivers his servant David.

Is this a bribe?  If you rescue me, I will give you more music?  I don't think so.  Instead, I think that David is asserting that his victory is a foregone conclusion.  If he is a man after God's own heart, how could anyone stand against him?

I especially like the last two lines--the one who gives victory to kings/who delivers his servant David.  Even as a king, David acknowledges his servanthood.

From the deadly sword ¹¹ deliver me;
    rescue me from the hands of foreigners
whose mouths are full of lies,
    whose right hands are deceitful

Is he all alone in this?  Who is with him to fight?  He seems self-absorbed, and yet, really, isn't that how we should all be?  God tells us to come to him with all our hurts and our needs, and this is exactly what David is doing.

12. Then our sons in their youth

 will be like well-nurtured plants,

and our daughters will be like pillars

carved to adorn a palace.

13. Our barns will be filled

 with every kind of provision.

Our sheep will increase by thousands,

by tens of thousands in our fields;

14. our oxen will draw heavy loads.^[b]

There will be no breaching of walls,

no going into captivity,

 no cry of distress in our streets.

Their sons and daughters (now we have the our) are dependent on David in a very real way.  Kingdoms fell or grew strong in the strength of their king.  He knew exactly what he was talking about.  Victors had confidence, peace, freedom--and food.

15. Blessed is the people of whom this is true;

blessed is the people whose God is the Lord.

David leads the sons of Israel into battle.  He leads the Chosen, the people that God pulled out of Egypt, led to the Promised Land, and saved from danger again and again and again.  And all we who believe are adopted into this same wonderful family.  Blessed is the people whose God is the Lord!  Maranatha, Lord Jesus! Come and take your people home! Amen!

On the steps

Walking up the steps that the great man never climbed.
Stopping for a moment to look upward at the Greek temple--
Would he have been impressed
Or would he have guffawed at the thought
The boy from Illinois
The homespun hero
Enshrined like a king
Like a god
In a temple of white marble.

He sits sedately
Hair and suit ruffled.
Sitting, he seems less imposing somehow.
A benignly beaming god looking amiably down
At those who make history below him.

What does he think as he gazes across the open space--
Reflecting pool, Washington Monument, Capitol Building in the distance?
Does he remember the great moments?
Does he see Martin Luther King in memory?
Does he hear the throb of the crowd,
Cheering on the man of peace
Hoping for latter-day freedom?

Do you remember Mr. King, Sir?
Did you cheer him on in his cry for equality?
And did it surprise you
That even after 100 years,
It still had not come?

As I look into your eyes
The eyes that searched for freedom
It seems that you see something far away
Something longed for but not yet realized

We are still struggling, Sir.
Sometimes it feels that we are treading water
Just barely
Water as murky as the black reflecting pool.

But then, the pool is black
To better reflect.

So maybe today
In the darkness of political rivalry
and bitter feuds between the left and the right
and the disrespect that permeates our society
We can stop and look

See your reflection,

Remember your struggle

And maybe that can help us go a day further

So that we can continue in the cause.

For we share this cause,
Not only you,
But John and Martin and so many others
Known and unknown.

We reflect your hope
As we take up your cause
And we hope that we have it in us to say,
As you did

With malice toward none, with charity for all, with firmness in the right as God gives us to see the right,  let us strive on to finish the work we are in, to bind up the nation's wounds, to care for him who shall have borne the battle and for his widow and his orphan, to do all which may achieve and cherish a just and lasting peace among ourselves and with all nations.

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